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No. 309. 

octn Lei 
•Claus' Daughter. 

{BURLESQUE.) 



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171 1 



SANTA 

Claus' Daughter. 

A MUSICAL 
wHRISl 

IN TWO ACTS, 

""" 

EVERETT ELLIOTT AND F. W. HARDCASTLE. 



n HRISTMAS BURLESQUE 



TO WHICH IS ADDED 

DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES-CAST OF TI1E CHARACTERS- 

ENTRANCKS AND EXITS-RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 

PL11FOKMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 

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» SANTA CLAUS" DAUGHTER. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Santa ClaUS .;.... 

Gussie I >k,Smytiik Secretary to Santa Claus. 

Dennis O'Rourke 

Footman 

Coachman 

M rs. Santa Claus Santa Claus' wife. 

KITTY CLAUS Santa Claus'' only daughter. 

Queen of Snow-fairies 

Four Snow-fairies 

The Four Holidays 

Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. 
Erin Goddess of Ireland. 

COSTUMES. 

Santa Claus.— Complete suit of furs; peaked cap, great-coat, 
top-boots. 

Gussie DeSmythe. — First dross, smoking jacket, light pantaloons, 
slipper*. Second dress, dark morning suit. 

Dennis O'Rourke. — First dress, battered ping hat, red wig, linen 
duster, gaiters, worn-out shoes. Second dress, full-dress suit, 
ancient cut, striped shirt, exaggerate I jewelry. 

Footman and Coachman. — Eccentric and exaggerated livery. 

Mrs. Santa Claus. — Modern dress. 

Kitty Claus. — Modern dress. 

Queen of Snow-fairies. — White dress, spangles, crown and wand. 

Snow-fairies. — Same as Queen, except that they wear no crowns. 

Four Holidays. — Costumes and olors suggesting days repre- 
sented. 

Erin. — White and green dress, trimmed in gold, wreath. 

PROPERTIES. 

Large book and quill pen for Gussie; carpet bag and cane for 
O'Rourke; sleigh bells. Also quizzing glass for Gussie. 

SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT I.— Scene, North Pole Snow Castle. Santi Claus' home. Sons of the Sn >w- 
fairies. Gussie and the Fairies. Santa Claus preparing for his "night out." The 
"Directory." "The Dude." Kitty wants to move to the Land of mortals, where men 
are plenty. Santa Claus' advice. Song by Santa Claus and family, *'A .Model Man." 
Gussie, "That's clevah, deucedly clevab doncher no?" Gussie'a attempt to sing. 
Chestnut bell. Santa Claus' promise to bring Kitty a man. Astonishment at Kitty's 
rash request. < laught out on a foul. "I'll brin* her a boodler, a Fariner.s Alliance 
man," anythingto disgusther with the whole n Song— Sleighing soog. Depar- 
ture of Santa Claus for the land of mortals, in bis sleigb and fleet-footed reindeers. 

ACT. II.— Return of Santa Claus, with an Irish Paddy. Santa Claus and Gussie 

witness unseen, thei ting of Kittyand "her man." "Do yez chew gum, and play 

on the type-writer." Song by Kitty. "The Pleasure of Catching a .Man." The pro- 
posal. The could weather will make yez a widdy before yez married, so it will." 
santa ('Ian-' despair at Kitty's acceptance of O'Rourke. Gussie has an idea. O'Rourke 
declared King ofthe North Pole, (\nouatinn song. March by Fairies and Holidays. 
"The last ton of coal which broke the camels back." O'Rourke ascends the tin-one. 
Cigarette <>r two. Kitty resolves to reform O'Rourke. Tableau. Erin appears. 
Her appeal in behalf of the Irish girls, heat.- the world and Kitty isn't in it. 
Kitty undecided « bother to go with < rRourke or remain, Tableau. Curtain. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

r., means Right; r,..Inft; r. h., Right Hani: i.. a., Lift Hani; o., Centra; s. p... 

2d B.,lSeoond Entrance; u. «., Upper Eatnaoa; it. o., Vf ildte Ojjr; v., tin FUi; 

u. !• ., Poor in Flat i Et. c, Right of Centra; u. □., Loft of Coatrj. 

r. n. 0. 0. i- o. L. 

%• The reviorla a-inpowHoba upon tfn staso faoia? thoaulianoa- 



1 



,E^ 



Santa Claus' Daughter. 

ACT I. 

SCENE,— A large hall in Santa Claus' Snow-palace. Throne-chai r 
R. u. e.; table and chair l. ; bell cord l. ; as curtain rises Gussie 
is discovered at table l., writing in a large book. 

Enter, Snow-fairies, c, and come down to front. 

SONG OF SNOW-FAIRIES. 

To the tune of "My Boyhood's Happy Home Down on the Farm." 

We are fairies of the snow, 

And every where we go 

We make the hearts of children glad and gay; 

From their window seats so warm, 

They look out upon the storm 

And dream of future childish sports and play. 

Chorus. We fulfill a mission too, 
As every one should do; 
W r ho have a mission worthy of the name, 
From our home in Northern clime, 
Come we forth at Christmas time 
A quiet share in Christmas joys to claim. 

On earth's cold and frozen face 

Each white snow-flake takes its place, 

All unite a cosy mantle thus to torm, 

Universal mother keep, 

Covered during winter's sleep 

'Till spring-time's sun shines forth again so warm. 

At close of song Gussie comes down to front, makes an extravagant bow 
to the Fairies. 

Gus. Well now, that's clevali, deueedly clevah doncherno, but 
l 'dies, you distract my mind from the duties incident to my exalted 
office. I must really ask you to depaht. 1 must indeed. 

Fai. (Fairies stamp their feet indignaiitly and speak in chorus) 
Listen to that ! The horrid man ! Distract his mind indeed, ball! 
(to Gussie) You never had a mind. 

Gus. Beg pardon ladies, but it is twue, evewy word twue. Tins 
is Chwistmas Eve and in one hour fwom this time I must have the 
"World's Directory of Deserving Didlets" weady for Santa Claus' 
before he starts out upon his annual journey. 



4 SANTA CLAUS* BAUGHTEB. 

Fni. (in chorus) Is that true? Why did you not say so before? 

Queen. (Fairies go to entrances r. and l., Queen goes to c. All 
turn and look at Gussik as Queen says) Gussie, we go, but we re- 
turn; and when we do return we will sing — Comrades!! 

(exeunt, Fairies 

Gus. Well, I Hatter myself, that was nicely done. Other fellows 
may have some trouble in managing the ladies, but it is no trouble 
at all, when you know how. Gussie old boy, you areclevah, deucedly 
clevah. 

Enter, Santa Claus, c. 

Santa. Well my good fellow, are all things prepared? Is the 
Directory ready for my journey to-night? 

Gus. (making profound bow) Yes, your majesty, it will be ready 
in fifteen minutes. (sits at table, l., and writes 

Santa. By-the-way, Gus — 

Gus. (interrupting) Gussie, sir, Gussie. 

Santa. Well, Gussie, how are the children panning out this year? 
Are there as many as usual? 

Gus. More, vour majesty, many more. 

Santa. More? Wellj well! And the Smiths, I suppose there are 
a few Smiths left? 

Gus. Ah ! your majesty, their name is Legion! 

Santa. Legion! Eh? Um, ah! yes, Legion. Well, it may rest 
us a little to have them change their name. What is it Shakespeare 
has to say on the subject of changing names? Smith — Smith — by 
any other name would — um — no! no! that is not exactly what I 
want. (walks up and doivn stage, hands behind his back, meditatively 

Gus, Oh! I say, your majesty, have you heard of the accident? 

Santa Accident? Whose accident? 

Gus. The Jones', sir. 

Santa. The Jones' ? And wbat is the matter with the Jones' ? 

Gus. (sorrowfully) Dead! 

Santa. What, dead? All dead? 

Gus. Oh no! your majesty, not all of them, but Johnny and his 
sister Sue — 

Santa, (starting towards Gussie angrily) Villain, I fain would 
smite thee! (stops suddenly and draws hand across forehead) No! 
no! what would 1 do? Destroy the last lingering specimen of an 
alnust extinct race? I will spare thee, dude. Proceed with thy 
labors. (Santa walks up and down stage thoughtfully, while Gussie 
makes a great show of writing in his book. Santa stops to watch him 
as lie writes all the way across one page and as far to one side as he 
(•(in reach ) What are you doing there? 

Gus. Your majesty, I am w^ting the name of the child of a 
Russian exile, but 1 fear you will have to carry a few K's and Z's 
loose in your pocket, for of a verity ^he book will not contain them 
all. {gong heard striking offL., Santa listens, Gussie starts) Great 
smoke 1 am discovered ! There goes that chestnut bell ! 

Santa. It is the ninth hour; 1 must hasten, (to Gussie) Sum- 
mon my household that 1 may bid them good-by. (Gussie pulls 
bell-robe, i... great noise, of tin pans, cans, cat calls, etc., heard) There, 
there, that will do, We do not want to perform the miracle of rais- 
ing the dead, 



SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER. 5 

Fairies rush in R., Holidays l., Mrs. Claus c, followed by Kitty 

Mrs. C. Wh-wh-where's the fire ! 

Omnes. Yes, where 's the tire. 

Santa. The tire? There is no fire my dears. 

Mrs. C. (seizing Santa's sleeve and trying to lead him off l.) Then 
let us get out of this house at once, hubby, there is going to be an 
earth-quake! Didn't you hear that noise? 

Gas. Oh ! pshaw, that was only a fall in the. temperature. 

Omnes. Is that so? Oh ! I am so glad. 

Santa. Yes, but I don't want you to be glad. It is very disre- 
spectful in you, to say the least, to be glad at a time like this. 
. Mrs. C. Why my dear hubby, what is the matter with the time? 

Santa. The matter is, my dear, that I am going to leave you 
presently. 

Omnes. Going to leave us? 

Kitty. Going to leave us? Why papa, you will be too early for 
the World's Fair, * 

Santa. I am not going to the World's Fair, daughter. Have you 
forgotten that this is Christmas Eve, my regular night out? 

Mrs. C. Why, so it is; 1 had forgotten. To-night you go forth 
to distribute gum-drops, drums and dollies to the children of all 
Christendom. It is vety kind of you my dear, I am sure, and I am 
sorry that you are compelled to tear yourself away, but you will re- 
turn to-morrow? 

Santa. I am glad that you appreciate me, my dear. Let me ad- 
vise you to keep a good thing while you have it. 

Kitty. Yes, papa is a good man ; at least, I suppose he is a good 
man. Good is a relative term, and men are so scarce in this king- 
dom of the North Pole, that I cannot judge by comparison. 

Santa. Daughter, I am an exceptional creature in every way. 
Thank the Fates that you have never been permitted to meet a less 
worthy speciinan of the race than your papa. 

Gus. (Gussie gigjles) Speaking of men, how about me? 

{swaggers with thumbs in arm holes of vest 

Omnes. Oh ! you don't count; you're a dude. 

(Gussie retires discomfited 

Kitty. Papa, are men as scarce in the laud of mortals as they are 
here? 

Santa. No, my child, no indeed ; there are not enough to go 
around to be sure; and under the present system, old maids seem to 
be a compulsory blessing; still they are numerous, quite so. 

Kitty, {rapturously) Oh ! papa, let's move ! 

Mrs. C. Why, what is the matter with the child? {goes over to 
Kitty) My dear you must be ill: come, take a milk-shake and go 
to bed. 

Gus. (aside) Milk-shake! I believe I am feeling a kind of gone- 
ness too. 

Santa. No! no, there is nothing the matter with the child, only a 
ittle natural curiosity, that is all; but Kitty you would better re- 
nain content to know no man but your papa; he is an exceptional 
•leature, 1 assure you. 

Omnes. Yes, your papa is a model man. 



6 SAXTA CLAU& DAUGHTER. 

Santa Claus sings 

A MODEL MAN. 

It is, my friends, quite difficulty to find a fault in me, 
J have in some queer way escaped total depravity. 
Though in unbroken line I trace dpscent from mother Eve, 
There is no sin in my make-up; I'm per feet, I believe. 
Chorus. 
He is a perfect paragon, old Santa Clan.-;. 
He never swear- above his breath — unless he has a cause; 
Enumerate his virtues I think we hardly can, 
But taken all in all he is a perfect Model Man. 

Our brightest plans in this vain world are apt to go amiss, 
But keep your temper: don't destroy your hopes of future b'.iss; 
Don't scold your wife, don't kick your dog, let me your model be ; 
I scold my wife? Not for my life ! She'd surely wallop me. 

Another things — Avoid conceit; quit blowing you own horn, 
But be like me, as modest as the blush of early morn, 
And when we've reached the end of life, with pride we look buck 
Upon the wide swath we have cut, a broad and shining track. 

Gus. Well now that's clevah, deueedly clevah, by Jove. Me- 
thinks I'll warble a little myself. (starts down stage 

Omnes. Oh ! spare us, spare us! (stopping him 

Gus. Just as you please ladies, but it is your misfortune that you 
do not appreciate goo 1 music. 

Kitty. Papa, that is a very pretty custom of yours, of every year 
giving presents to the children of mortals; so pretty indeed, that I 
wonder you have not tried it at home, that you have never given 
your daughter a Christmas present. 

Santa. My dear child, it would be useless; the wealth of my 
kingdom is at yOur command; your every wish is gratified. What 
more could I give you than you already have? 

Kitty. l>ut surely, surely, there is something in the land of mor- 
tals which I have not. Could you not bring me a gift from there? 

Santa. I had not thought of that. Yes, ask what e'er thou wilt, 
be it in my power to do so I will grant it. 

Kit';/. You havegiven your word. 

la. Yes, and my word is worth twenty piastiieson the dollar. 

Kitty. Then papa, bring me— bring me— a man! 

Mis'. C. Who is the child saying? 

Omm s. She says she want- a man ! 

Santa, (aside) Caughtoul on a foul! How am I to net out of 
this predicament? 1 havegiven my word and I would rather break 
a dollar bill than break my word, (thinks) Ah, 1 have it ! I will 
bring her a man. but oh, Biich a man ! I will l>t i ti lt her a boo Her, a 
'fee-grabber, :> Farmer's Alliance advocate, ha! ha! ha! she will be 
lisgusted ivith the whole race and I will save my honor and my 
•luld. (turns to Kitty. I laughter, you shall have your man. 

During this speech all indulge in business of surprisi "' Kitty's rash 

ii qui si. 
Kitty. Papa, you are a gem ! 

Santa. A gem, daughter? You mean a jewel do you uot? 

No she means tin-types; three tor a quarter, doncherno. 



SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER. 7 

{sleigh-bells heard off Hi, Gussie in horror) Great smoke! There 
goes that chestnut bell again. 

Santa. Ah ! my sleigh and my fleet-footed reindeers are ready. 
I must away. 

Enter, Footman and Coachman, c, and stand one on each side of 

entrance. 

Footman. Your majesty, we are ready. (bows low 

Santa. And so. am I. My friends you well might envy me my 
ride to-night, with the pale moon shining overhead and {the white 
snow gleaming beneath the feet of my fleet-footed reindeers. And 
the bells, what melody their little metal tongues peal forth upon the 
frosty air. Surely it is a subject worthy the pen of a poet; the des- 
cription of a sleigh-ride on a night like this. 
Santa Claux si)tgs 

SLEIGHING SONG. 

To the tune of "The Village Blacksmith.'' 7 

Cling, cling, cling, cling; hark, the merry jingle; 
Cling, cling, cling, cling; swift it's drawing nigh; 
How it makes my nerves with joy to tingle, 
What's the reason why? 
Ancient and hoary though I be, 
My beard a cloud of gray, 
There is no other sport to me 
Like riding in a sleigh. 

Chorus. Ancient and hoary though he b 
His beard a cloud of gray, 
He says "There is no other sport to me 
Like riding in a sleigh." 

Cling, cling, cling, cling; ring ye merry sleigh-bells, 

Cling, cling, cling, cling; on the frosty air. 

What tales of joy each little metal tongue tells, 

Joy without a care. 

Swift as swallows in their flight 

My eight fleet reindeers go, 

With stars above to furnish light 

Reflected by the snow. 

liepeat chorus softly as Santa Claus exits c, followed by Footman 
and Coachman, the rest gazing after him. 

CURTAIN. 

♦ END OF ACT I. 



SCENE.— Same as in Act I. Sleigh bells heard in distance coming 
nearer, until they stop at c. ; Santa Claus enters c, followed by 
Gussie and preceded by Footm an. ( Exit, F< >< 1 1 m a n . 

Gus. Your majesty has returned. You are even more prompt 
than usual. No one would suspect that those venerable whiskers of 
yours had been silvered by the frosts of many hundreds of winters. 

Santa. No, Gus my boy, time has no power to dampen the ardor 



8 SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER. 

of old Santa Clans, nor to make him the less able to perform hisself- 
appointed duties. But that reminds me Gus. ; last night my daugh- 
ter made a strange request. You heard it did you not? 

Gus. Yes, your majesty, I heard it, and thought it strange that 
you should make the promise that you did. 

Santa. And so it was, and would have been much worse than 
strange had not a happy thought struck me with a force like unto a 
hod of falling bricks. 

Gus. In other words, you had an idea. 

Santa. Right you are; and as a reward for your years of faithful 
service I propose to share it with you. 

Gus. (aside) 1 wish his idea Would take the form of an increase 
in my salary. Ten dollars a month scarce suffices to keep me in 
raiment befitting my noble birth and high position, doncherno. 

Santa. What were you saying, Gus? 

Gus. I was saying, your majesty, that I would indeed be proud 
to share your first idea with you. 

Santa. Well then, this is the scheme: I have brought back with 
me a man as green as the green isle from which he came, a regular 
Paddy of the old school. My daughter, having seen no men but yon 
and me, will conclude that he is one of the choicest specimens of his 
species, and will thus be disenchanted. 

Gus. The scheme looks well upon the face ot it; I only hope that 
it may conclude even as your majesty wishes. 

Santa. You hope that it may work! Why sir, it must work! 
Think of the position 1 would be in should my daughterever many ! 
In six short months or less, 1113' son-in-law would have my throne and 
L would lose my job; mayhans, shorn of my kingly robes, be sling- 
ing hash to earn my daily bread. (shudders 

Gus. Well now, that's clevah, deucedly clevah, by Jove. 

Santa. What is that? Clever, did you say ? 

Gus. I mean, your majesty, that it was very clevah of you to ex- 
tricate yourselt from such a trying situation. 

Santa. Oh! yes, that's different; and now I will proceed to un- 
told my plans to you. 

Gus. Proceed by all mean-. 

Santa. I have ordered the terrier to be brought into this room, 
and have also requested that my daughter come here. We will con- 
ceal ourselves and enjoy her astonishment at her first meeting with 
her man. (O'Roubke's ooice heard off l. 

O'Buukes. Can't yez let go av me arruuis, vez miserable dagos? 
Do yez think Oi can't walk alone at all. at all? 

Santa. Ah! there ho comes. Now then. 

(they hide behind throne-chair 
Enter, O'Rourke l.; with Footman and Coachman holding to his 

anus. 

O'Bourke. Comg now, yeez hand-organ aristocrats, lave go 
me nrrums. (Footman and Coachman bow to him and exit, o. 
(CyRoifRkE shivering) Oh moy, oh inoy, Oi don't know whether 
t his is an oiee-crame saloon or a refrigerator car, but wan thins; Oi 
do know, an' that same is that this overcoat of in >ini' i> to > foine for 
me prisinl Btation in loLte. (sees bell-robe) Helloa, pliwat's that? 
Oi think Oi'll give Inn- a pull and see if il won't turn in on the -tain*-. 
t pulls rope, great noim heard off l., O'Rourkk terrified) <>h(Ji say 
now. Dhwat a commiseration oi'vc created, to be share. 



SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER. 9 

Enter, Footman, c. 
Oh, get ont av this, get out av this! You little spalpeen; can't yez 
lave me alone at all, at all. 

Foot. I have answered the bell sir, what is your w ish ? 

O'Rourke. (aside) Oh, Oi see, he has come to take my order. 
(aloud) Oi say, send me up a ton of coal and a match ; do yez moind? 

Font. We have no coal, sir. 

O'Rourke. Will yez listen to that now! Yez have no coal, is it? 
Thin phvvat do yez do for a foire, say now ? 

Foot. We use no tire, sir; we do not feel the cold. 

O'Rourke. Yez don't feel the could? Well thin, Oi do just that 
same. Yez can take moiordher for a suit of clothes if yez plaze, sor. 

(exit, Footman, c. 
We 1, what a quare set of cra:.h tires these are to be sure, and what a 
quare lix yez has got yerselt into^McGinuin^ ould bye. Lasht night 
1 was promenading down the streets of me native eiiy whin suddint- 
ly biz — whiz — siz — and along came a sleigh pulled by six milch cows 
Avith forked horruns and a little man insoide all covered over with 
whiskirs. Thin out jumped thim little. Frinch dagos, took hould of 
iiu.i arrums and chucked me into that sleigh so quick Oi couldn't 
draw moi breath; it's down at the Bank yet. Oil, if Oi'd onlv had 
moi good shillelah then ; Oi'd have cracked them wance or twice so 
Oi would. Thin, biz — whiz— siz — again, and here Oi am in a lodg- 
ing house where they don't have no foire and don't feel the could. 
Oh moi, oh moi, Oi'll have to keep circulatin' around or Oi'll be an 
oic. berg, so I will. (dances aruund the room to keep warm 

Enter, Kitty, c, unobserved by O'Rourke and watches him for a 

time. 

Kitty. What are you doing there? 

O'Rourke. (si ill dancing awl not looking around) Kapiug warrum 
to be coorse. Did yez think Oi was saying moi prayers? 

Kitty. Are you a man? 

Rourke. Av coorse Oi'm a man. Phwat did yez take me for, a 
sUlty of Venus? (strokes his chin whiskers 

Kitty. Then you must be the man my papa was to bring me. 

O'Rourke. Yis, Oi'm yer man. (stops dancing and looks at her) 
Why, begorra it's a girrul ! How do you do, Miss Cleveland ? 

Kitty. My name is not Clevelan I, sir: My name is Kitty Clans; 
I am the daughter of Santa Clans. 

O'Rourke. Was that him what tore me away from moi home and 
Kindred last noight? 

Kitty. I suppose so. 

O'Rourke. Then, Miss Clan?. Oi shall have yer father prosecuted 
for cruelty to animals. That's phwat Oi will, (motions Kitty to 
tome nearer) Come here, now, come here, come here. (Kitty cornea 
to his aide, O'Rourke in a stage whisper says) Do yez chew gum? 

Kitty. No sir, my mamma says i mustn't. 

O'Rourke. Well now, that's ;i good girrul. Here is a penny; go 
to the blacksmith's and get a bun. Say, do you play on the type- 
writer ? 

Kitty. Play on the type writer? 

O'Rourke. To be coorse. 

(goes through motions ofwritiny with his fin 

Kitty. What is that? 1 never saw a type-writer. 

O'Rourke. Never saw a type-writer? Oh moi child, moi child, 
Oi fear your musical eddication has been sadly neglected. 



10 SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER. 

Kitty, I hope not, sir. I can sing quite well ; at least so my papa 
says. Shall I sing for you? 

O ' Bourke. Yis, sing to ine. 

Kitty. What shall I sing? 

<>'/,' mrke. Ob, Oi don't care; anything but "Marguerite." 

Kitty. AVell then, how would you like to hear "The Son % That 
Reached My Heart?" 

CRourke. Oh, don't do that, don't do that. Oi've got the tooth- 
ache. 

Kitty. You are hard to please, sir ; but if you do not care to hear 
the song that reached my heart, 1 will sing you one of my own com- 
position, written upon a theme which is nearest my heart, "The 
Pleasure of Catching a Man." 

Kitty sings 

THE PLEASURE OF CATCHING A MAN. 

Music, "McSarley's Most Elegant Twins." 

I've a question momentous I wish to propound 

To matrons and maidens alike: 

If you lived in a land where men are not found, 

Don't you think you would go on a strike? 

What's the use of fine features, of bright eyes and curls, 

AN' hen no one is by to admire? 

I've tried it, and know what I'm saying, dear girls, 

Of that kind of life you'd soon tire. 

Chorus. In childhood it's dollies, it's novels for girls, 
But tell me my friends if you can, 
Where's the pleasure in life for a girl of eighteen 
Like the pleasure of catching a man? 

Each day like the former a burden time hangs 

On your hands; life itself is a bore. 

With not even ambition to curl your bangs, 

And your mirrors with dust covered o'er, 

You would turn with disgust from a tailor-made gown, 

Prom diamonds, lace and all that, 

And in extreme cases one might even frown 

At a love or a duck of a hat. 

You have heard of the blossom whose sweetest perfume 

Was wasted upon desert air, 

lint the aimless existenc i of this pretty bloom 

Does not for a moment compare 

With the lite of a maiden, the victim of Fate, 

( lompelled to live out life's span 

In a country that does not provide her a mate, 

Too po »r to furnish a man. 

ffRmirke. That's a foine song, to be sure; beautiful sentiment 
and all that, but are you really iii earnest about this matter? 

Kill'!. Indeed 1 am. 

O'Bourk . Thin how would yez loike t" become Mr-. O'Rourke? 

Kitty, (running toward him) Oh!do you really mean — turning 
away) er — er— this is so sudden — you must give me time to think. 

O'hourke. lt Think it over !" Yes, an' whoile vez is thin kin' it 



SANTA CLAUS* DAUGHTER. 11 

Over Oi'll be sthandin' liero frazin' to death. Yez'll have to do yer 
tliinkin' party quick Miss Clans, or yez'll be a widely before yez is 
married, so you will. 

Kitty. Are you really cold, dear? Why of course you are; how 
stupid of me to forget that you are not used to such a rigorous climate 
and those clothes of yours arc hardly the proper thing for this frigid 
zone. I suppose you did not have time to change your clothes. 

O'JRourke. To be coorse Oi didn't have toime to get a shave even. 
(strokes whiskers) Bad cess to that father of yours. 

Kitty. Poor man, how you must suffer. Tome with me. I will 
have the court trailor take your measure for a suit of furs and tin- 
servants shall see that you are provided with a tire. 

O'Rourke. Kitty, yez is a good girrul ; butOi say, would yez moind 
sinding up a ham and some hen-fruit. 

Kitty. Hen-fruit? 

G'liourke. Yis, some eggs, you know. 

Kitty. Oh ! of course not. You shall have something to eat at 
once. 

Kitty goes to c. 

O'Bourke. (aside) McGinnis ould bye, yer in luck this toime to 
he sure. What a pity it is we can't all he borrun with silver spoons 
in our pockets. Jist look at me now ! Oi'm goin' to have a shquare 
meal, ashute of clothes and perhaps awoife, and whinOi get her Oi'm 
goin' right back to ould Erin and — (stops to think) Ah ! there's the 
rub. How am Oi goin' to get back to Erin? (aloud) Well Kitty, 
Oi'm with yez whoile the grub lashts. (exeunt, c. 

Santa Glaus and Gussie come from behind throne. 

Gits. Well now, that's elevah, deucedly elevah ! 

Santa. Oh Gussie ! Gussie ! Would you add insult to injury by 
mocking a poor old man whose only daughter is about to break her 
lather's heart by becoming the wite of a puta to- masher? 

Gus. Pardon me, your majesty, but the potato-masher seems to 
have crushed us very successfully. He has quite a fetching way 
with the ladies too. I couldn't have managed that little romance 
better myself. 

Santa. But what is to be done to avert this dreadful calamity? 

Gus. Send the terrier away, of course. 

Santa, impossible! The man would die of cold and hunger. 
You seem to forget, Gussie, that we are surrounded with ice and 
snow, piled mountain-high. How many brave explorers from the 
land of mortals have lost their lives in the attempt to penetrate the 
mysteries of the North Pole. 

'Gus. But can you not take the man away as you brought him 
here ? 

Santa. Have you also forgotten that one of the conditions <>t my 
becoming immortal an1 the Christmas Saint was that I was not to 
leave these icy fastnesses but once each rear? I ran not take this 
man away until next year on Christmas Eve, in that time who knows 
what dreadful things may happen? (completely un-nerved 

(in*. Your majesty, give me leave to think. 

Santa. Yes. Gussie, think! think! I know not ifdudes have a 
thinker, but if you have thinks to think-, prepare to think them now 
Gussie, prepare to think them now. (Santa drops in chair <<t table 
overcome by emotion, while Gussie walks up and down the r><>m in 
comical attitude of thinking.) Your thinker seems to be working 1 



12 SANTA GLAUS DAUGHTER. 

rather slowly, Gussie-, time is very precious to me now. 

(Gussie stops suddenly and chips his hands 

Gus. I have it! 

sfanta. Good! What is it? 

Gus. It is a plan to circumvent this Hibernian rogue, a very 
i\ m pie plan, but clever, deueedly clever and reflects great credit upon 
it's author. 

Santa. Gussie, if your plan succeeds. I'll raise your salary to 
r.2.00 a month. 

Gus. 1 hear some one approaching. I will not have time to ex- 
plain my plan in detail, but you must promise to make no objection 
to any of my actions while I am carrying the plan out, and I assure 
you all will be right in the end. 

Enter, O'Rourke, r. u. e. 
Santa, {hesitating) I will do as you wish. (exit, L. 

O'RouRKii advances forward looking admiringly at himself in a new 
suit of clothes. 

O'Rourke. Begorra, it's a foine display Oi'm makln' now. Oi'm 
a worker from Cork so Oi am, and— (sees Gussiej Oh ! take it away, 
take it away ! 

Gus. This is Mr. O'Rourke, I believe. I must take the liberty of 
introducing myself. I am Gussie de rfmythe, Grand Illustrious 
Scribe and Supreme Confide itial Clerk to his Majesty, Santa Clans, 
Ruler of the Kingdom of the North Pole. 

O'Rourke. {aside) He looks like a grand illustrated squib from 
"Puck." (aloud) Oi say', could you say that again and say it real 
slow? You ought to be more careful aooutmakin' pay pie acquainted 
wid doubtful characters. Howsomever, Oi don't moind a little thing 
loike that in a could counthry loike this. Oi'm quite fond of curi- 
osities moiself, so Oi am. 

Gus. Sir, this unseemly levity is far from being as clevah as you 
supp "" 
to bu 
here, do you not? 

O'Rourke. Well thin, Oi don't jist that same; Oi don't know 
nawihiu' about it at all, at all an' that's phwat's the matter with me, 
so it is. 

Gus. Then I can enlighten you upon that point. You were 
brought here to ascend the throne and become the successor of Santa 
Ulaut) as ruler of ihe Kingdom of the North Pole. 

O'Rourke. You don't say : an' how much will Oi git fur that job 
now? 

Gus. Oh ! you will have this beautiful palace, innumerable ser- 
vants and countless wealth ;it your disposal. 

O'Rourke. Hut how about the wurruk? Phwat's tnoy 1 rs? 

Gus. You will have no work to do, nothing to do but sit on your 
throne and make laws for the government of your Kingdom. A 
monarch is never supposed to do anything for himself; there will be 
hosts of servants at hand to <lo your bidding; and [, as your private 
secretary, will ever be at your side ready to carry out your desires 
as soon, or even before, they are expressed. 

(/Rourke. All might, Oi'll go you wan for luck. Begorra this 
iob is ace and joker ahead of the perlice force. 



his. Sir, this unseemly levity is far from being as clevah as you 
)pose, in fact it is quite the contrary, doncherno; but to proceed 
msiuess — you know the purpose, for which you were brought 



8 AXT A C LAVS' DAUGHTER. 13 

Gus. lam glad that you are willing to assume the responsibili- 
ties of the office sir. No time need bo lost.; wo will proceed with the 
coronation ceremonies at once. (pulls bell-rope; noise as before 

O Rourke. The corneration ceremonies? An' phwat might the m 
same be now ? 

Q-us. Yon shall soon see. I have summoned all of the royal house- 
hold, including Santa Clans himself; he will renounce his title and 
the throne, and I will publicly proclaim you king with the title of 
Santa Clans the II. 

O'Rourke stmts up and down the stage arranging his collar and tie. 
Santa Claus enters r>. u. e., with Mrs. Claus and Kitty on 
cither arm; comes down stage l., Jolknoed by the Holidays; 
Fairies enter b.. u. e.; Footman and Coachman enter c, and 
stand on each side of the door. 

0' Rourke. Ah ! there's Kitty. Swate girrul, that Kitty. Oi say, 
Kitty, ain't Oi a darlint in my new suit of clothes? 

Kitty. You are indeed a charming creature, Mr. O'Rourke. Are 
you for sale? 

O'Rourke. Oi don't know. Oi'll come hoigh if Oi am. Oi'm the 
only wan av me that's left. 

Gussie takes position in front, clears his throat and makes a few pre- 
liminary gestures as if preparing to make a speech. 

Gus. Friends, Romans, Countrymen — 

O'Rourke. Naw you don't! Naw you don't! You don't borry 
anything from me at all, at all. 

Gus. {ignoring the interruption) I have summoned you here to 
witness the coronation ceremonies of Mr. McGinn is O'Bourke^whom 
I now proclaim King of the North Pole with the title of Santa Claus 
IF. 

Santa, {going over to Gussie and speaking angrily) What are you 
saying, sir? This is treason ! Do you hear? Trea- u! 

(Gussie goes through pantomine of explaining to Santa 

O'Rourke. Do yez hear that now ? Oi'm going to be King, so Oi 
am; and Kitty, von shall be moy bride and do me washin'. You're 
a princess now Oi beiave, but Oi'm going to make yez a rale queen. 
Do yez hear, Kitty moy darlint? A rale queen and you shall have 
a new piece of gum ivery day, so you shall. 

Mrs. C. What is that dreadful man saying? Come Kitty my 
child, you must not stay here to be insulted in this way. 

(tries to lead Kitty off -r. 

Santa, (speaking aloud as he returns to his wife's side) All right, 
Gussie, my boy; but be careful, be very careful. 

{pantomine of persuading his wife to remain 

Gus. Well, Mr. O'Rourke, are you prepared to take the corona- 
tion oath ? 

O'Rourke. Nosir!Oi niver shware. Oi'm not abducted to the 
use av profanity in any forrura sir. 

Gus. Well, i suppose the taking of the oath would be a useless 
formality in your case; we will dispense with it. (to Footman and 
Coachman) Bring in the royal diadem to crown his gracious 
majesty and the royal sceptre, the symbol of his power. 



U SANTA CLAUS* BAUGHTEB. 

Footman* and Coachman exit c, and return with a large crown and a 
feather duster. 

Gus. Your majesty, in investing you with these symbols of 
royalty I fee] that I am conferring an unique distinction upon this 
people by giving them for a ruler a man the like of whom has never 
before escaped captivity. 

Omnes. Bear! Hear! 

Footman places crown on O'Rourkes head, he having been led to the 
throneand seated thereon by Gusste, who takes feather duster from 
Coachman and brushes it across O'Rourke's face. O'Rourke 
sneezes andfumblesin his pocket fur a handkerchief. Gussie takes 
it from him and wipes his nose for him. Footman and Coach- 
man* retire to c. 

O Bourke* Begorra, Oi've a notion to swipe yez for that, so Oi have. 

Gus. Pardon me, your majesty, but it is one of the privileges of 
my exalted office to perform all little services of that kind for our 
killer. As I told you, a monarch is never permitted to do anything 
for himself. There yet remains the Coronation song. 

COROXATIOX SOXG. 

To the tone of "This House is Haunted." 

Gus. I row proclaim you our king, onr monarch, 
And we your vassals true will be; 
Be gracious to us, do not refuse us, 
Thou brightest gem of royalty. 

Mrs. C. O! never fear, Gus., he'll not refuse us, 

How could you look for that from such as he? 

Gus. and Mrs. C. He's much too greedy and likewise seedy 
From such a snap as this to flee. 

Chorus. We now proclaim you our king, our monarch 
And we y<»ur vassals true, will be, 
Be gracious to us, do not refuse us, 
Thou brightest gem of royalty. 

Kitty. We have a man now lately imported 
From over the sea, the Emerald Isle; 
We must not lose him, I will amuse him, 
Each idle moment I'll be beguile. 

Santa. Oh never tear, dear, he will remain here, 
He \\ ill not haste to leave us yet a while. 

Kitty and Santa. lint if he would go, he could not do so, 

Becoming an iceberg is not quite his style. 

(O'Rourke falls asleep during the song 
Santa. Well I declare, the fellow has actually fallen :i<leep! 

(exit. Fairies, k. u. e. 
O'Rourke, (starting suddenly) No Oi'm not asleep naythur. Who 
sriid oi wa* asleep, eh? (yawns; starts to raise his hand to his mouth; 
■ i S3IK placet, his <a'-n hand oca- Q'KQURKE'S mouth) By the powers 



SANTA CL A US' DAUGHTER 15 

now, Oi'vc a notion to knock a quart of stars out.iv yez eyes for that. 

(sparring 

Gus. Your majesty, it is one of the privileges of my office to cover 
the Kings mouth when he yawns. 

O'fiourke. It is, is it? Well don't yez do that same any more 
while Oi am King or Oi'll have yez hanged by the neck until yez 
are asphixiated, see? 

Kitty. Poor man ! It is very tiresome work, being a King. 

O'Rourke. It is just that Miss Kitty; let me ndvise yez not to try 
it. But it will be different when Oi have you for my queen. 

Santa. Thar can never be ! 

(/Mourke. Phwatisthat? Git out sir, git out! Oi'll have you 
banished to wance. 

(Gussie goes through pantomine imploring Santa to be silent 

Gus. Would your majesty be pleased to review the Amazons, the 
defenders of our realm ? 

O'Rourke. Oi don't know what an Amazon is, but Oi'll be glad tc 
interview anything for a change. 

Enter, Fairies and Holidays, and execute a fancy march. 

During progress of march O'Rourke attempts to applaud and take part 
in, in all of which attempts he is prevented by Gussie, who explains 
in pantomine that it does not become a monarch to do anything of 
these things. At close of march, Amazons take positions on r. 
and l. of stage. 

O'Rourke. Well now girruls, that's foine. Oi think Oi'll have yez 
on guard duty around the throne all the time. Oi'm afraid some- 
body'll stale me, so Oi am. (to Gussie who is talking to Kitty] 
Here s : r, come away from that! Get me something to eat. Oi 
hanker for poy. 

Gus. Your majesty shall have pie in one minute. 

(talks to Kitty 

O'Rourke. (astounded) In wan minute! Ye haythen. Oi am the 
King and when Oi want poy Oi want poy, and begorra Oi'm going 
to have it too. 

O'Rouke starts toward c, Gussie takes him by the arm and leads him 
back to throne, and makes sign to Footman who exits, c. 

Gus. Your -majesty shall have pie: but this unseemly haste ill 
befits a monarch. 

Enter, Footman, c, with pie on plate. 

O'Rourke. Ah ! that's a sight to gladden moy eyes, so it is. Bring 
the noble birrud here. 

O'Rourke starts to leave throne; Footman kneels and presents pie; 
. Gussie takes it from him and eats it to the consternation oj 
O'Rourke. 

G'tt*. {with mouth full of pie) Your majesty, it is one of the pri* 
vileges of my exalted ollice to eat the King's pie for him, doncherno? 

(O'Rourke growsvery angry ; leaves the th rone and co.mes down stage 

O'Rourke. This is the last ton av coal that broke the camel's hark ! 
Oi have let yez blow moy nose for me, scratch moy head for me and 
lead me around loike a poodle on the end of a shtring, hut Oi will 
let no cigarette sign av ynre soize eat moy poy for uie sir! Xo sir ! 



16 SANTA CLAUS' DAUGHTER 

Not for Venice! Yez can take yer ould kingdom; it's tiaWbhin but 
an Oice-hnu.ce anyway. Oi shall go back tn Cork, get on the perliee 
force and eat a poy-factory ivery day if Oi want to. That's phwat 
Oi'lldo. 

Santa, (aside to Gussie) Gussie you're a jewel of the first water. 
I congratulate you upon the success of your scheme. 

ORourke. Kitty, will yez fly wid me? 

Kilty. Unfortunately sir, I cannot fly, though I wish I could, for 

that seems to be the only way by which we can escape this icy pri-on. 

Santa, (to Gussie) Sir, I denounce you! Your scheme is a 

failure. My daughter's mind remains unchanged. She is ready, 

even now, to fly to the end of the earth with this Hibernian babboon ! 

(rits. Your majesty I have done my best; what more could I do. 
It was a noble plan and worthy the great brain from which it sprang, 
but success and failures are not far distant and I have fallen just 
outside the loul-line. 

OBourke. Yez is a quare birrud, Mr. Gus. 

Santa. Yez, you have failed. And failed in such a way that the 
dread calamity which you have endeavored to avert is now nearer 
than before. What shall I do? What shall I do? Ah, that is the 
question ; whether it were better to wed my daughter to this billy- 
goat and set at rest, at once, this most vexatious question, or look 
me further for a son-in-law. Ah ! ha ! I have a scheme ! I'll ask this 
man some questions in the presence of my vassals here. An exami- 
nation I'll conduct more strict than ever Civil Service knew, (to 
O'Kourke) Here sir, I would a word with you. 

O'liourke. All roight sor, apake out. Don't be timid in the pres- 
ence av royalty. 

Santa. As the father of the girl, who?e hand you seek in mar- 
riage, 1 claim the privilege of inquiring concerning your antecedents. 

O'liourke. Av coorse, av coorse. 

Santa. Who was your great-grandfather? 

O'liourke. A man sor, and an Oirishman at that. He could foight 
sor loike a dog and drink thecraythure loikeafish dhrinking wather. 
And such a jolly man he was too at a wake. Oi often wonder that 
the corpse itself didn't come to loife to take a hand in the fistivities. 

Santa. Your future prespect, sir, what are they ? I mean — what 
shekels are at your command. 

O'liourke. A dollar and twenty kopecks is all Oihave at prisint, 
sor, but Oi have a political pull that can be cashed -at a moment's 
notice. 

Santa. Your health is good of course ; your digestion unimpaired ? 

O'liourke. And was yez spaking of moy digestion now? Begorra, 
jist connect me wid a sbquare meal and Oi'll show yez phwat Oi can 
do in that same line, so Oi will. 

Santa. Such a foolish act as that would only serve to bankrupt 
our kingdom. But one more question I would ask; dost ever 
gamble, drink or smoke? 

GRourke. Naythur av the former sor, but on accasions whin Oi 
would he quite shwell Oi shmoke a cigarette or two. 

Santa. Ah, fiend! Away with him! 

Omnes. Shameful, shameful ! A crime deserving death ! 

(Amazons form a circle around O'ROUKKK 

Mrs. C. (to Kitty) My daughter, see what a fate thy rash in- 
atuation would have consigned thee to. 

Kttty. I'll save him yet and reform him. That is the mission of 



SANTA CL AITS' DAUGHTER. 11 

a pretty girl ; to make at least one man better. 

While Kitty is speaking Tableau curtain at back opens and Erin, the 
Goddess of Ireland, appears. She steps majestically to c. of stage, 

Erin. O'Rourke, thon'rt found at last, 

I've searched for thee both far and wide 
For many hours past. 
Why from thine own native land 
To this place didst thou roam,; 
Come sir, come hence with me, 
I fain would see thee home. 
0' Bourke. Yes, Oi want to go home, Oi want to go home; take 
me home — {stops suddenly) But what about Kitty? 
Erin. Kitty? What hast thou to do with the child? 
0' Bourke. She is going to be moy woi.e, ain't you Kitty, me 
larlint ? Oi was going to make her moy queen, but Oi couldn't even 
make a queen of moyself now. 
Erin. Think of the maids of thy native isle, 
That emerald gem of the sea; 
Return at once and there we'll find 

A fairer bride for thee. 
With eyes so bright and sidn so fair, 
And voices like the linnet, 
Those Irish girls they beat the world 
And Kitty isn't in it. 
Gus. Well now, that's clevah, deucedly clevah, donchernc I 
b lieve I will emigrate myself. 

O'fiourke. Yes, Oi know about them Oirish girruls; they are foine 
(o be coorse, but they are not moine and Kitty is, and that makes all 
the difference in the vvirruld. 
Erin. O'Rourke, will you go? 

(J Bourke. Kitty, will you go? (Kitty nods her head in assent 
(J Bourke. Oi'll pack me Saratogy and be wid ye in wan minute. 

{exit, l. u. k., followed by Erin 
Mrs. C. Kitty,- you must not go. Think of your parents left lan- 
guishing over your loss, living alone and childless in this land of 
eternal snow. 

banta. And if you must marry, why not marry Gussie? He is 
certain y a far handsomer and more suitable husband than this 
Irishman. 

Gus. Oh! I say now, that's clevah, deucedly clevah. lam 
agreeable and leave the matter entirely with Miss Kitty, doncherno. 
Kitty. Bah! A dude lacks rive points of being equal to no hus- 
band. I'll marry a man or never wed. (sadly) Shall I go or stay? 
I can divide my love, but not myself, and— 

TABLEAU. — Scene opens at back, showing O'Rourke dressed as in 
first act, with grip and cane in hand. Erin tries to lead him away. 
He stretches one hand imploringly toward Kitty, xoho moves slowly 
toward him and extends both her hands, one of which O'Rourke 
takes. Mrs. Claus rushes forward and seizes the other and tries 
to lead her back. Santa Glaus makes a gesttire commanding 
O'Rourke to begone. 

CURTAIN. 

THE END. 



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'Address, 



THE AMES PUBLISHING CO,, 

LOCK BOX 152 - CLYDE, OHIO. 



ARTI CLES NEED ED BY AMATE URS. 

MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS, BEARDS, MUSTACHES, Etc. 
PREPARED WOOL IN ALL COLORS. Per oz., 50c. 



TABLEAUX LIGHTS. Our Tableaux Lights arc very easily used and are of 

the best manufacture. Plainest directions accompany each. We have the following 
colors: Red. (4reen, Blue, and White. Price each. 2. r > cents. 

COLORED FIRE IN BULK. Put up in one-half pound packages. Price 
per pound. $l.7;">: per half pound, 81.00. 

MAGNESIUM TABEAUX LIGHTS. A metal capable of being, ignited 
by a common match, and burning with great brilliancy. This is the best light for 
moonlight and statuarv. Price per pack"','", ■ '» cents: per dozen, $2.50. 

LIGHTNING FOR PRIVATE THEATRICALS- We will send a 
FLASH BOX and material for this purpose, with full printed directions for their use, 
to any address, for 5U cents. The effect produced by it will be found all that can be 
desired. 

BLUE. For unshaven faces. This is very necessary in low comedy characters. Price 
per box, 15 cents. 

PREPARED BURNT CORK. For Negro minstrels. This article we can 
recommend, as it can be taken off as easily as put on ; in which it differs from most all 
others manufactured. Enough for 25 performances in each box. Price per box, 40 cents. 

COCOA BUTTER. This article is necessary to every lady or gentleman wheth- 
er on the stage or in private life, as it smoothes the skin and keeps it from chapping. It 
is a very handy means of removing the make-up, as a piece of Cocoa Butter passed over 
the face will loosen all adheasive matter so thoroughly as to admit of being wiped off 
the face at once and completely. Should be used before making up. Price, 25 cents. 

CARMINE. For the face, and to heighten the effect of Burnt Cork in Negro 
characters. Price per box. 30 cents. 

PREPARED DUTCH PINX. For pale, sallow, and wan complexions. 
Price per box, 25 cents. 

CHROME. For sallow complexions, also for lightening the eyebrows, mustaches, 
etc. Price per box. 2o cents. 

EMAIL NOIR. To stop out teeth for old men characters, witches, etc. 
Price, 40 cents. 

PREPARED FULLER'S EARTH. To powder the face before "making 
up." Price, 80 cents. 

JOINING PASTE, For joining bald fronts of wigs to forehead. Price per stick, 
15 cents. 

MASCARO. or WATER COSMETIQUE. For darkening the eye- 
brows and mustaches, without greasing them, and making them prominent. Brown oi 
black, 60 cents. 

MONGOLIAN. For Indians. Mulattoes, etc. Price per box, 30 cents. 

PASTE POWDER. To enlarge the shape of the nose for low comedy char- 
acters, etc. Price per box, 30 cents. 

PREPARED NOSE PUTTY. Used for the same purpose as Paste Powder 
and used in the same way. Price, 25 cents, 

RUDJ3 3T ROUGE. Pur sunburnt faces. Most essential forllow comedy, 
country or seaman's character. Price per box, 30 cents. 

SPIRIT GUM. The best in use, prepared expressly for securing mustaches, etc. 
Price. 25 cents. 

SKIN MUSTACHE MASKS. For hiding the mustache in powder costume 
pieces, negms characters, cc. Price, 15 cents. 

POWDERED ANTIMONY. For shading the hollows of the eyes. Price per 
bov, 30 cents. 

PREPARED WHITING. For Pantomimes, Clown's Faces, Statuary, etc. 
Price per box, 2o ce nts. _-__ 

CREAM STICK PAINTS. 

No. 1—. J uight Flesh Color. No. 10— Sallow, for old age. 

" 2— Deeper Tint Flesh Color. " 11— Buddy. 

" 3-Natural Flesh,) Por TllvPniIo " 12-0live, healthy. 

' 4-RoseTint, [ F< 7/ 1 3-01ive, lighter shade. 

" 5— Deeper Shade, J heroes. *. |4_Gipsy Flesh Color. 

" 6— Healthy Sunburnt. " 15— Othello. 

" 7— Healthy Sunburnt, deepershade. IB— Chinese. 

8 — Sallow, for young men. 17 — Indian. 

*' 9— Healthy Color, for middle age. 18— Fast Indian. 

" I9-Jap. 

Done up in sticks 4 inches in length at 25 Cwnts each : 8 inch slicks. 50 cents. Lining 
Colors, 4 inches Ions, at 1<» cents each, except Carmine which is 15 cents. 

A box of Cream Sucks, containing the following colors : Two -hades of Flesh, one 
Black, one Brown, one Lake, one Crimson, one White, one Carmine, and a color for 
Shading Wrinkles, $1.00. 




■: FOU ND AT LAST ! :■ 

A Pocket Speller, 

Dictionary, and 

Memorandum 

Book Combined. 

A Concise Description of 

Thompson's Pocket Speller. 

It gives the right orthography of all words, (over 22,800) in common use, and in near- 
ly every instance their definition. It also gives the right orthography of the given 
names of men and women, rules for the use of capitals and punctuation marks, abbrevia- 
tions of names of states and territories, letters of introduction and recommendation, 
definition of commercial terms, forms of notes, due bills, receipts, letters of credit, orders 
for money, merchandise and goods stored, principal holidays, marriage anniversaries, 
combination of shades, and carefully selected laws of etiquette in social and business 
life, also a sili-mte slate for memorandums. 

The Speller is bound in leather and indexed, and is of convenient size to be carried 
in vest pocket. 

Reasons why this Speller and Dictionary is the most desirable 
book of its kind, and some of the many advantages it has 
over all others. 

1. It gives the most complete list of words in common use. 

2. It is a Speller, Dictionary, handy companion and memorandum book combined. 

3. It is the only book of the kind that can be conveniently carried in the vest pocket 
being the regular size of mmeorandum books made for that purpose, 

4. It is the oniy book of its kind that is indexed, 

5. It is the only book of its kind that prints all words pronounced alike but spelled 
differently, so they can be distinguished at a glance. 

6. It is the only book of its kind that gives the right orthography of the given names 
of men and women. 

7. It is the only book of its kind that show where the letter E at the end of a word 
is to be dropped when adding ed or ing. 

8. It is the only book of its kind that gives a complete list of the most practical 
business forms. 

9. It is the only book of its kind that gives the laws of etiquette in social and busi- 
ness life; these rules alone are worth the price of Speller. 

10. This Speller is bound in two qualities of leatherand its price brings it within the 
reach of all, being M) cents, bound with American Russia Leather, Gilt edge and in- 
dexed. Bound with imitation Seal, red edge and not indexed, SB cents. On receipt of 
Post Office Order, (for quality desired) the Speller will be prepaid to any address, 

Ames' Publishing Co., 



Lock Box 152, 



CLYDE, OHIO. 



Rnnrbach's 

LIST OF NEW PLAYS. 



,_ , _ . Male Femalo 
Broken Promises 6 3 

Engaged 5 5 

Sign of Affection 2 2 

Single Life 5 5 

Wanderer's Return 6 4 

By Force of Impulse 9 3 

Woven Web 7 3 

Darkey Wood Dealer 2 1 

April Fools 3 

Old Cronies 2 

Popping the Question 2 4 

Our Boys . 6 4 

Between Two Fires 8 3 

Saved from the Wreck , 8 3 

Wanted, a Confidential Clerk 6 

Second Sight 4 1 

Under a Cloud 3 2 

Imogene, or the Witch's Secret 8 4 

Strife 9 4 

Tried and True 8 3 

Crawford's Claim .... 9 3 

Old Plantation Night 4 4 25o. 

Illustrated Tableaux 25 cents. 

Theatrical and Tableaux Vivants for Amateurs 25 cents. 

What Shall We Act 25 cents. 

A Practical Guide to Private Theatricals 25 cents. 

Townsend's Amateur Theatricals 25 cents. 

Helmer's Make-Up Book, a practical and systematic trea- 
tise on the art of making-up for the stage, with 
special treatment on the use of Wigs, Beards, etc. 
the make-up and its requisite material, cuts of the 
different features and their management, special 
character masks, etc. With special hints to ladies. . . 25 centa. 

AMES PUBLISHING CO., 

Lock Box 152. CLYDE, OHIO. 



Every Amateur wants a copy, and should 
order at once. 



Hints tq Amateurs, 

BY A. D. AMES. 

A book of useful information for Amateurs and others, written ex- 
pressly for those who are giving public entertainments — and 
who wish to make their efforts successful — containing 
much information never before given. Mr. Ames 
has had many years experience, and in 
this work gives many hints which 
cannot fail to be of great 
benefit to all. 



Do you wish to know How to act ? 

Do you wish to know How to make up? 

Do you wish to know How to make fuses? 

Do you wish to know How to be prompted ? 

Do you wish to know How to imitate clouds? 

Do you wish to know How to imitate waves? 
Do you wish to know How to make thunder? 
Do you wish to know How to produce snow? 
Do you wish to know How to articulate? 

Do you wish to know How to make lightning? 

Do you wish to know How to produce a crash? 
Do you wish to know How to make a wind-storm? 

Do you wish to know How to he successful on the stage? 

Do you wish to know The effects of the drama on the mind? 
Do you wish to know How to assign parts successfully? 
Do you wish to know The duties of the property man? 
Do you wish to know How ot arrange music for plays? 
Do you wish to know Many hints about the stage? 

Do you' wish to know How to form a dramatic dub 9 
Do you wish to know The duty of the prompter? 

Do you wish to know How to conduct rehearsals? 

Do you wish to know The best method for studying? 
Do you wish to know How to make a Stage laugh ? 

Do you wish to know How to burn a colored fire? 
Do you wish to know How to make a rain storm? 

Do you wish to know A short history of the drama? 
D<> you wish to know All about scene painting? 
Do you wish to know Maeready's method for acting? 

If you wisli to know the above, read Hints to Amateurs, it will be 
sent you for 15 cents per copy. 



THE 

New York Book Ag't; 

—OR,— 

THE MISER'S GDKD. 



A Drama in Four Acts by D. II. Moore, Jr. Time 1 
hour — 7 male, 3 female characters. Costumes 
modern. Scenery simple. 

A good villain, two old men, country boy, Dan, the half- 
wit, two fine Irish parts for Biddy and Pat, leading lady 
and old woman, detective in search of a criminal, who at 
last is captured after robbing and killing the Miser, who is 
his own father. Price 15 Cents, 



LOOKED 

In a Dress-maker's Room ; 

OR, 

Mr. Bob Holiday's Flirtation. 

A Farce in One Act, by Willard Guepner. 3 male, 2 fe- 
male characters. Time 20 minutes. 

Very good afterpiece in which the characters are all 
good. Mr. Holiday, a banker, is in love with Mrs. Stone; 
Miss Prim, the dress-maker, in whose rooms the flirtation 
is carried on ; Mr. Stone becomes jealous and goes in search 
of his wife ; Mr. Holiday cannot escape and is transformed 
into an ancient maiden — Tableau. Price 15 Cent*, 



THE THREE HATS. 

K CnmBdy 

IN THREE ACTS, BY 

ALFRED HENNEQUIN, 

Translated and adapted from the French 



■by- 



NEWTON CHISNELL 
This Comedy is written for 4 male and 3 female characters. 

SYNOPSIS. 

M. Adolphe Trimadart, who on a visit to London saves the life of 
M. Dupraillon at a fire, for which Dupraillon is very grateful and 
takes Adolphe to his home in Paris — Adolphe falls in love with a 
young lady at a glove store unknown to Dupraillon — During Mrs. 
Dupraillon's absence from the city Dupraillon accidentia meets a 
lady — a supper at Clerbois' — an accident as he leaves the house 
causes him to stumble against some gentlemen whose hats are knocked 
off; during the scuffle the cry of "police" is heard, and he picks up, 
as he supposes, his own hat, but on arriving at home he discovers 
he has a hat with M. Durand's card, while his hat has his own card 
in — His wife retnrns and he is afraid she will discover his adventure 
and supper at Clerbois' with the lady. The three hats cause a great 
deal of trouble as well as amusement, as the owners, as well as 
others, get mixed up in the misunderstanding caused by the ex- 
changing of hats. Price i5 Cents. 

Hallabahoola, Medicine Man. 

An Original Farce in one scene, by Bert Richards, 
author of "The Colored Senators" "Fooling with the 
Wrong Man" "Cupid's Capers," "TheSpellin'Skewl" etc. 
for 4 male and 3 female characters. The situations in this 
piece are extremely ludicrous ; Costumes to suit charac- 
ters ; Time of performance 40 minutes. Price 15 Cents. 

The Irish Squire, of Squash Ridge. 

A Farce in two scenes, by J. E. Crary, author of "The 
Old Wayside Inn," "Alma, or United at Last" etc., 
for 4 male and 2 female characters. This farce is very 
funny and will be sure to please. Costumes modern and 
the time of performance is 40 minutes. Price 15 Cent*. 



dimes' Plays- --C DntinuBd. 



2 1 

4 2 

4 3 

4 



Comedies Continued. 

b a !•' el as lit- Looks 6 3 

265 Pug and Lho Baby 

114 Passions 

2C4 Prof. .: cperience 

Teachina Country School 1 •"> 

2H> Rags and Bottles I 1 

ith Sharps and Flats., '■'• 2 

14 2 

2 '2 Two Bad Boys 7 3 

87 The Bitei Bil 3 '- 

131 The Cigarette '. -J 2 

,000 Reward - 

TRAGEDIES. 

Hi The Serf <i 3 

FARCES & COMEDIETTA S. 

I2i) Aar-u-ag-ooa 2 ! 

132 Actor and Servant 1 1 

289 A I ihap o ii 

ch 3 2 

303 A Kiss in the Dark 2 .'! 

hit-, ATexan Mother-in- Law 4 ii 

A Day Well Spent 

jular Fix 

A Professional Gardener 

Alarmingly Suspicious 

. vt'i 1 Criminal 

A Pet of the Public 

A Romantic Attachment 

A Thrilling Item 

A Ticket of Leave 



er Half 

White 

Captain Smith 

Will Win 

in Josiah 

Cupids Capers 

Double Eleeti n 

Der Two Surprises 

Deuce is in Him 

Did Dream it 

Domestic Felicity 

h er '. 

Dutchy vs. 

Eh? W at Did You Say 

Everybody Astonished 

Fooling widi Hie Wrong Man 
\IoUier-in-Law... 

Fun in a Post nfiice 

ilj Discipline '. 

Family Jars 

■ with the Golden 

Give Vie My Wife 

HaMabahr.ola, th - 



Hans, the Dutch J. P 3 

Hans Brumn 5 

Hash 4 

II. M. S. Plum 1 

How She has Own "\\ ay 1 



160 

80 

i - 

21 



21S 

lot 

274 

2! lit 

I ! 

271 
116 
120 



....•:; 






* 

140 

A 

247- 
95 

<i<l 
11 
99 

182 

127 

302 

106 

139 
231 
235 

212 

259 

44 
33 

217 

hi,-, 

171 

48 
115 

232 

241 

270 
1 

40 

101 

K')7 
291 
308 

54 

276 



rK 



M. Y. 

How He Popped ' I 1 

How to Tame M-in-Lav 
How Stout Vour 1 1 
Incompatibility of Temper... 

In the Wro! 
Jacob Shlaff's Mis 

Jimmie Jones 

John Smith 

.Jumbo Jinn 

Killing Time 1 1 

Kittie's Wedding Cake 

Lick Skillei Wedding 

Lauderbach's Little Surprise 
Locked in a Dress maker's 

Pioom 

Lodgings for Two 3 

Love in all Corners 

Matrimonial Bliss 1 1 

Match for a other Min-Law.. 2 2 

More Blunders than one 

Mother's Fool 6 1 

My Heart's in Highlands \ 3 

My Precious Betsey 1 4 

My Turn Next 

M Wife's Relations 4 4 

My Day and Now-a-Days 1 

My Neighbor's Wife 3 3 

.Nauka's Leap Year Venture.. 5 2 

Nobody'sMcke ,.... 

Obedience 1 2 

On the Sly 

Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 

Paten* Washing Machine 4 1 

Persecuted Dutchman I 

Poor Pilieody 2 3 

Quiet Family 4 4 

Rough Diamond 

Ripples " 

Room 44 2 

Sch -aps 1 1 

Sewing Circle of Period 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore 

Somebody's Nobody 3 2 

Struck Yankee 4 2 

Struck by Lightning 2 2 

Slick anil Skinner 5 

Slasher and Crasher 5 2 

Takine the Census 1 1 

That Awful Carpet Hag 

Th t Mvs< 2 - 

Bewitched Closet 5 2 

The Coming Vlan ;: 1 

Turn Him Out 

The Actor' ! ' 

. of Squash 

llidg* 

The Mashers Mashed 

-ham Professor ] (l 

The Spellin' Skewl 

I 2 

Thirty-three Next Birthday- 
Tim Flannigan 

Tit I 2 1 

The Printer and His Devils.. :'. 1 

rb 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



r. 



iimBS> Plays- 



NO. M ' K 

| a Country Editor.... 6 2 

7 The Wonderful Telephone.... 3 1 

*o Aunt Emily JJ b 

iust Justice « f 

• Mail 2 2 

rmout Wool Dealer •> a 

151 Wanted a Husband 2 1 

56 Wooing Under Difficultie ft 3 

70 Which will he Marry - 8 

dower's Trials 4 5 

117 Waku-gHiro Up 1 2 

155 Why they Joined the Re- 

becca« ° -j 

111 Yankee Duelist 3 1 

157 Ya ikee Peddler i •'> 

ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

204 Academy of Stars ri 

■ Unwelcome Return 3 1 

lappj Fair 1 1 

L72 Black Shoemaker -I 2 

98 Black Statue 4 2 

222 Colored Senators 3 

214 Chops 3 (i 

tV's Luck 2 1 

imps Trip ft 

27 Fetter Lane to Gravesend 2 <i 

230 Bamlet the Dainty 6 1 

.mntod House 2 

ter Paxey got her 

Child Baptiz-d 2 1 

21 Han.lv Andy 2 

i . pochondriac The 2 (» 

47 In the Wrong Box 3 

77 Joe's Vis t 2 1 

88 Mischievous Nigger 4 2 

256 Midnight Colic 2 1 

128 Musical Darkey 2 (I 

90 No Cure No Pay 3 1 

61 Not as Deaf as lie Seems 3 

thea 3 

I Dad'sCabin 2 1 

1 1 

24fi Otl 4 1 



too. 

M 

- 297 
934 

177 
96 
I07 
133 
179 
94 
21'. 
26 

in 
HI 
253 
282 
122 
lis 
6 
108 
2 1ft 
4 
197 
IDs 
216 
206 
210 
203 
205 
L56 



17 

l:;n 



2lr 



250 





017 401 290 8 

Oiner .People s unit tren a •£ 

Pomp Green's Snaki 

Pomn's Pranks 

Prof. Bones 'Latest Invention 5 

Quarrel ome Servants 3 

Rooms to Let 2 1 

School ."> (i 

Seeinv Bosting....- 3 

Sham Doctor 3 3 

16,000 Years Ago 3 

Snorts on a Lark 3 (1 

Sport with a Sportsman 2 

Stajye Struck Darkey 2 1 

Strawberry Shortcake 2 

Stocks Up, Stocks Down 2 

That Boy Sam 3 1 

The Lest Cure 4 1 

The Intelligence Office 3 

The Select School 5 tl 

The Popcorn Man 3 1 

The Studio 

Those Awful Boys 

Ticket Taker 

Twain's Dodging 3 1 

Tricks ft 2 

Uncle Jeff ft 2 

Vice Versa .', 1 

Villkens and Dinah 4 1 

Virginia .Mummy fi 1 

Who Stole the Chickens 1 1 

William Tell 4 

W ig- M aker an d His Servants 3 

GUIDE BOOKS. 

Hints on Elocution 

Hints to Amateurs 

CANTATA. 

On to Victory 4 f) 

TABLEAUX. 

Festival of Davs 

PANTOMIME. 

Cousin John's Album 



MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS! 



PREPARED WOOL 



PREPARED WOOL IS AN ARTICLE THAT EVERYONE 
EXPERIENCE, CAN MAKE INTO 

WIGS! BEARDS! MUSTACHES! 



WITHOUT ANY 



ETC. 



AT VERY LITTLE COST 
\M> WILL BE SURE TO GIVE SATISFACTION 

^> PRICE 50 CENTS PER OUNCE. ***- 

Addi THE AMES PUBLISHING < <>., 

CLYDE, ollio. 



Bi 



j6 



